If you are just tuning in to these blog posts, I welcome you. '22 has been real so far. I have had both very positive and negative experiences and I am honestly done with trying to separate the two. This is all my life and I am present in it. That said, I have been displaced from my home of 2.5 years due to mold and high moisture in the drywall. It's now been nearly a week since I've been able to sleep in my bed. It seems that every time my living situation is up in the air, I am reminded of the times in high school that my family was homeless. We would stay with friends and family. Sometimes we were all together, sometimes separate. It was then that I developed a fierce sense of individualism. This is likely why I seek solitude and isolation in my studio. The whole place was never really mine to begin with, as in, I do not own it. And yet, it is a part of my very being.
My home. My space. What does that actually mean? Why am I so attached to it? How are there people out here who don't even have a home? How could something like poor indoor air quality be the catalyst for a mental breakdown. It's not so far fetched. The environments we choose, shape us. They "mold" (pun intended) our behavior, and influence our mood & interactions. Some environments will encourage depression in some and suicide in others. Meanwhile, a space just across the street could have happy, healthy people inside. The emotional rollercoaster is driven by both spaces and faces. The people we interact with, become us, and we all behave according to the space we share.
Have you ever been to the same space that you've had emotional trauma? Could you stand there for long? Does that night flash before your eyes? I'm asking because it happens for me. I tend to frequent these spaces of trauma to tell a new story in that same place. I am looking forward to the day that I can transmute the energy of feeling homeless and helpless into support and prosperity.
I wonder if positive spaces help us to imagine ourselves, but better. Walking past the mansions on the beach, I can't help but to see myself relaxing on the chaise lounge near the infinity pool with 90's R&B music video vibes. What corner do I need to turn in life to be there? Is that my house or a house of a close and powerful friend? Spaces and their familiar cues help us to figure out right where we are in time and within our minds. Projections of ourselves are all over the city. In the coffee shops, riding the bus, and sitting helplessly on the street corner. We are our environment. We are the top 5 people we hang out with. Sure, moving into a new place won't change everything, but it's a good start for most people. Maybe, It will shift the way we think about ourselves and that is more than enough to change how we perceive everything around us.
Now that I am in the thick of displacement, I am so much more grateful for nature. I am in absolute awe of the sunset again. Sometimes I project myself in the palms that sway with the marine layer. At the very top of the trees that seem to touch the pink clouds. Aqua blue skies turn to purple mountains that produce the heartbeat of the earth in my ears.
If you ever need help feeling like you belong in your own space, please get in contact with me so that we can set up a consultation. I'm hoping that this helps someone to find their identity in the midst of displacement; as this expression has helped me to do so.